| This is an interview I did with Techno Destructo a.k.a. Hunter Jackson, Arch Enemy of GWAR & Main Artist of SLAVE PIT INC. This interview appeared in the 2nd issue of SATAN'S CANDY BASKET back in early 1998. This is a "Treat" for all you unfortunate souls who never saw this issue! |
| Ahhh! That's right, it's me, Techno Destructo, arch enemy of GWAR. I understand that you actually wanted to interview Jizmac & Beefcake, but your stuck here in the bathroom with me & I'm gonna force you to interview me so I can twist & give my slanted view point. So shoot!!! ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT GWAR KNOWS YOUR ORIGIN & THAT YOUR NOT FROM THIS PLANET. FOR THOSE FEEBLE MINDED PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW COULD YOU PLEASE TELL THEM? O.K. GWAR are actually members of an intergalactic band of newmatic space pirates. They were marooned here on Earth billions of years ago because of their bumbling inaptitude. They pissed off the master so bad that he finally condemned them here to be imprisoned on Earth for how ever long he felt necessary. And that's why GWAR is here. Over the years they have influenced the human culture in many ways. They accidentally killed off all the dinosaurs. They accidentally sank Atlantis. They accidentally caused the destruction of Sodom & Gomorra & many other atrocities that have been plaguing humanity. Everytime it seems like the humans are going to get ahead, GWAR knocks them back! GWAR CLAIMS TO HAVE CREATED THE HUMAN RACE. IF SO, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLANET WHEN YOU COULD HAVE THE ENJOYMENT OF WATCHING US DESTROY OUR PATHETIC MISERABLE LIVES? Well, it's sort of linked to GWAR, even though they did create the human race by accident. Because Slymenstra Hymen wouldn't let them have any sex, they were forced to have sex with apes. So that's where the human race came from. To GWAR the huamn race is like having crabs. They're these little pests that are crawling all over you & itching you. With a gasoline sponge bath you can rid yourself of the problem, but GWAR is just to lazy! SINCE GWAR DID CREATE US HUMANS, WOULDN'T IT BE IN OUR NATURE TO ACT THE WAY WE DO & THEN, OF COURSE BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING? It's possible, but that's the cool part about it. Human beings are so busy making up conspiracy theories about how this person or this president of the U.S. (I think that's what you call him) & other people that influence your life. When really they don't have to at all. GWAR is really controlling everything! ON A SERIOUS NOTE, GWAR DOES GET BLAMED FOR A LOT THAT IS WRONG WITH OUR YOUTH TODAY. DO YOU GET TIRED OF HAVING TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR WHERE PARENTS WENT WRONG WITH THEIR CHILDREN? Well, in all honesty, if parents were really responsible they wouldn't let their kids come out & see GWAR. They would send them to Edna Grambo's Summer Bible Concertration Camp. Where they can learn how to behave like they ought to, but they don't let them come to the GWAR shows. We advertise that you get $1.00 off your shows ticket for a severed head of your parents. Some parents are so pathetic that they would do anything to win the love of their children except actually love them! ON THE "RAGNAROK" TOUR, WHEN YOU PLAYED IN PHILLY WE NEVER GOT TO SEE AN APPEARANCE OF SLEAZY P. MARTINI, WHY? Well, I'm glad you asked that, because actually, I Techno Destructo, arch enemy of GWAR, secretly assassinated Sleazy P. & replaced him with a robot. So now this robot enables me to manipulate GWAR in new & deeper ways that I could never quite reach before. In fact, he sold the dumping rights of the world, to dump toxic waste in Anartica & I'm using it as a raw material to create an army of mutant penguins that I am going to attack GWAR with. GWAR CLAIMED THE WORLD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DESTROYED BY A HUGE ROCK LIKE COMET & YOU GUYS WOULD FINALLY BE ABLE TO ESCAPE "THIS TOILET EARTH". WHAT WENT WRONG THERE? It didn't turn out to be a comet at all. It was actually a giant robot called Cardinal Sin, come to exact his holy ultimate retribution on the human race. He didn't realize that there was a huge culture of semi-intellegent beings growing on the planet Earth, until just recently. He was flying by & all of a sudden his Sin-O-Meter went off the scale, so he came down here to check it out. When GWAR looked up in the air, they thought it was a huge comet coming towards Earth. So, every body was having a party thinking it was going to be the end of the world. Once it got close they realized it was actually Cardinal Sin, so GWAR went & duked it out with him & postponed the destruction of Earth. You can see all of this by checking out GWAR's new video "Radezvous With Ragnarok", on sale now! (laughs) PLUG! PLUG! YOU HAVE MADE MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET OFF THIS MUD BALL OF A PLANET, DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER DO IT? Actually as Techno Destructo, I have been trying to get GWAR to leave this planet Earth for a long time. It's just that they're too busy wallowing in the Rock & Roll lifestyle, taking drugs, screwing all these 16 year old groupie chics. So they're too busy enjoying that to discover their true destiny as conquerors of the universe. I'm still trying to make them leave, but if they won't leave, they leave me no choice but to destroy them!!! THE YEAR 2000 IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, WILL THERE BE A MAJOR GWAR EVENT FOR THE TURN OF THE CENTURY? Well, your calenders are off. Last year was the year 2000. That's what the whole comet thing was about. We missed the end of the world, but maybe we can catch it on the upswing in the next hundred years! |
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